Full Circle
The wrap party Oliver threw for the end of filming made the one in Thailand look like a slumber party. Cast who had previously left came back for it, and Oliver actually rented a castle for the festivities—Chillingham Castle, in Northumberland. It was a beautiful, hulking white stone structure situated in the middle of a rolling countryside, and Oliver had spared no expense on the grand banquet hall, where the party was held. It was decorated so lavishly one would have thought Alexander the Great really was coming for a visit.
For one last joke, the primary cast arrived dressed in each other's costumes. Colin was Phillip, and he had a new respect for Val, having to wear the prosthetic over his eye. It made him off balance and he was constantly walking into things. To everyone's delight and Colin's vaguely horrified amusement, Jared arrived dressed as Olympias.
He even had falsies on, and the hairdressers had curled his hair and piled it on top his head. Angelina nearly laughed herself sick—she was dressed as Cleitus—and many pictures were taken.
Of course there had to be some fooling around before they went to change into their regular clothes for the rest of the party. Colin ran over and yanked Jared's dress up in front of everyone, hoping he had worn something silly and girly beneath it. He was wearing boxers however, and Colin gave him a hard time about it.
“Heathen!” Jared screeched at him in a bad imitation of Olympias' accent. “In my womb I will carry my avenger!” He shook his fist at Colin and there was uproarious laughter.
Before they were allowed to go change, it was insisted that ‘Olympias' and ‘Phillip' have a dance.
“You're scaring the hell out of me,” Colin chuckled in Jared's ear as they waltzed dramatically around the floor. “I never knew you made such an attractive woman.”
Jared smirked. His lips were painted deep red and looked incredibly full and kissable. “You're crushing my boobs. Can't you hear them crinkling?”
They were finally spared from providing further entertainment and allowed to go change. Colin went first to have his makeup removed, then changed out of his costume. He noted with some sadness that it was the last time he would take off a costume for this movie.
His extensions had already been cut out and his hair restored to its former brunette glory, and he took a few minutes in front of the mirror to style and admire it. He looked like himself again, and as silly as it was, he was secretly glad that Jared had gotten to see the real him. He didn't know why that was important, but it was. They had exchanged locks of hair for their medallions, and Colin had insisted it wait until his hair was dyed back to its original color.
Colin changed into dress slacks and a white button-down shirt, putting on a black jacket over it. Dressy, but not too dressy. Adding a few bracelets and necklaces and satisfied that he was presentable, he returned to the party. He grabbed a drink and found Val among the crowd of people.
“You know, this place is haunted,” Val said around a mouthful of chicken. He was holding a gaudy gold plate filled with food.
“Of course it is,” Colin scoffed. He was watching the doors for Jared to return. “Aren't all castles?”
“You sure you wanna stay here tonight?” Val gave him a wary look. Colin couldn't tell if he was kidding or not. “Most haunted castle in England, after all.”
“I think I'll risk it.” Colin looked toward the front of the room. Oliver was stepping up on the little stage they'd constructed, which was adorned with banners that, once again, depicted the primary cast. Colin was never going to get used to seeing ten-foot tall pictures of himself, no matter how famous he got.
Oliver started to speak, thanking everyone for coming, but just then Jared walked in and his voice faded into the background.
Jared was now in black dress slacks and a rather clingy, tight, dark blue shirt. It made his body look incredible, slender and muscular and in perfect proportion. He was also wearing clunky, half-unlaced boots, but that was Jared. The curls had been brushed out of his hair so there was an impressive—and gorgeous—amount of wave to it. His makeup had been cleaned off, even that pretty red lipstick.
Colin watched him make his way through the crowd as Oliver talked, Jared's gaze darting around the room. Colin wondered if he was looking for him. Only a small sense of remaining dignity kept Colin from jumping up and down and waving his arms to get his attention.
Jared finally spotted him and smiled, making his way over. He had been looking for him.
“He's already started talking?” Jared whispered as he stopped at Colin's side. “This is going to go on all night, isn't it?”
“As much as he talks he has to start early,” Colin whispered back. He handed Jared his drink, which he'd only taken one small sip from. “Here, I'll get another.”
If Colin thought he had been paraded out for pictures and hobnobbing before, it was nothing compared to what he had to endure this time around. It seemed like everyone in the room had to get up and make a speech, most of which involved bringing Colin up on the stage. There was laughter, and sniffling, and flashbulbs galore. A few members of the press had been invited and they hovered around the stage, taking pictures of everything.
Jared declined to give a speech, but Colin had to. He was the last to go up, to a thunderous round of applause and cheers. He wasn't going to let Jared get away without some suffering though, and cajoled him up on the stage with him. Jared smiled and came up, but shot Colin a look that said ‘I'll kill you later when there's no witnesses.'
Colin gave a nicely prepared speech about how much he had enjoyed doing the movie, working with Oliver, and kudos to all of his cast mates. He made a few jokes, got slightly sentimental, and finally raised a rousing toast to Oliver. Oliver was half lit by that time and nearly spilled his drink when he lifted his glass in acceptance. With all that out of the way, Colin looked over at Jared, who had been smiling dutifully and adding a few words here and there to bolster Colin's jokes.
“But most of all, I want to thank this man standing here beside me,” Colin laid his hand on Jared's shoulder. Jared looked over at him, a slightly startled expression on his face. “He kept me sane through all those days in that bitch of a desert, and in that bloody hot, stinking jungle.” The crowd laughed. “And he kept my perspective in front of me when it wanted to wander off course. He taught me a lot about myself and never gave up on me, even though I was a right bastard at times.” Colin smiled softly at Jared, whose eyes were slowly widening. “I think, above and beyond anything else, that's the effect Hephaistion most had on Alexander's life. And I just want to thank him for being the man he didn't have to be.”
The crowd ‘awwed' and clapped, and Colin pulled Jared into his arms, hugging him. He felt Jared's fingers tighten on his shoulders, his body trembling against his. Colin kissed his cheek discreetly before pulling away.
“Now let's have a party!” Colin said. “No more fucking speeches, Oliver!”
The crowd laughed and cheered, and Oliver raised his glass again with a grin.
Coming down off the stage, Colin felt Jared's fingers brush against his. Colin glanced back at him as they moved in opposite directions to talk to people, and Jared's eyes were bright.
Francisco, having left a week before, was back for the party. Colin found him and they hugged in greeting. He looked good. His smile was even wider than the last time Colin had seen him.
“How are you doing?” Colin asked him, speaking loudly to be heard over the voices and the music that was now playing.
“I'm all right,” he gave Colin a little smile, pushing a strand of hair back behind his ear. “It's a process. But it's coming along. Talking to your brother has helped.”
Eamon wasn't able to be there for the party, but he was coming down the next day to stay with Colin until he left. Colin was going home for a few days, then he was headed to South Africa.
“I'm glad,” Colin said. “Eamon's a good guy.”
“Yes, he is.” Francisco smiled and took a sip of his drink. Then he paused—froze really—and Colin followed his line of sight, looking around behind him.
Jonathan was standing nearby, alone, watching them. He looked wary. He was holding a bottle of beer and biting at his lower lip. Colin turned back to Francisco.
“Don't make any decisions right now,” Colin said, close to his ear. “You don't have to. Take care of you first, before you decide what role anyone else is going to play in your life.”
Francisco nodded, still staring at Jonathan. Colin could feel the tension hanging between them, creeping over his own skin, and he decided to leave them alone to talk and went to find Jared.
“That's a really awkward situation,” Jared said, after Colin told him. “But you were right to tell Francisco that.”
“Yeah,” Colin flexed his fingers around his glass, looking around. He was getting tired of the crowd. “Whether it ends up being Eamon, Jonathan, or whoever, I think Francisco needs to figure himself out before he tries to figure anyone else out.”
Jared smiled at him, eyes sparkling. “You know, you keep this up and you might turn out to be a decent human being. Are you sure you want that sort of reputation?”
Colin smirked. “You're right, it's time to drink some more and make an arse out of myself. Maybe I can break something if I try.”
“Why don't you meet me at the top of those stairs in fifteen minutes?” Jared pointed toward a set of stone stairs at the back of the hall that disappeared into a high, dark stairwell. “I've figured out some of the layout of this place.”
Colin made sure not to get entangled in any conversations so he could escape, and even got up there a bit early. The stairs led to a shadowy corridor where a few electric lights had been rigged on cords that ran along the tops of the walls. It was mostly quiet, but there were a few people up there, mostly making out in the little alcoves that lined the walls. Colin lit up a cigarette, trying to be discreet while he waited. Somewhere down the hall, there was the soft sound of female laughter.
Jared arrived a few minutes later, and after a quick look around grabbed Colin's hand and led him down the corridor to another set of stairs, both of them glancing over their shoulders as they went. “Where are we going?” Colin whispered as they started up them.
“I found another way up to the rooms,” Jared whispered back. “Come on.”
It was slow going because it was dark, only a few windows here and there letting in light from outside. The night was moonless but the courtyards outside were all lit up for the party. At the top of the stairs Jared led him through a door and into another corridor, which had no lights like the one below.
“This place is haunted, you know,” Colin whispered, reaching out and finding Jared's waist in the darkness, slipping his arm around it. They were more or less feeling their way along, and Colin felt Jared's breath on his cheek as he turned his face toward him.
“Oh no,” Jared gasped in mock terror. “Hold me!”
Colin did more than hold him. He pressed him up against the stone wall of the corridor and they made out like teenagers, sucking hungrily at each other's mouths, hands everywhere, over and under each other's clothes, in each other's hair. Jared was warm and pliant against him, his scent perfuming the darkness.
“Where are the rooms at?” Colin growled against his lips. “Before I'm too fucking hard to walk.”
“This way,” Jared wiggled away from him, grabbing his hand. “Watch out for the ghosts.”
Jared did indeed get them to the part of the castle where their rooms were, through some twists and turns and another set of stairs. It felt surreal, running through an ancient castle in the darkness, lost and trusting Jared's judgment, their laughter echoing on the stones and down the corridors. Colin found it hard to believe there was a world beyond this one, and it would soon be sucking him back into its chaos.
They went to Jared's room, which was huge, a contrast in old and new. The stone walls, arched ceilings, and narrow windows were the original structure of the castle, except there was now glass in the windows. There was a huge fireplace in the main room and the floors were bare stone with enormous throw rugs over them. The décor was lavish and proper for a castle, but there was also a television, radio, lamps, and all sorts of modern amenities around. It was a strangely absurd sight.
“The bedroom's in here…” Jared was dragging him toward a wooden door on the other side of the room. “Wait till you see this.”
The bedroom was nearly as big as the main room, with a huge canopied bed draped with red curtains sitting right in the middle. There was another fireplace in the room, which had been lit by the service staff. It was warm.
“Nice,” Colin looked around. There was a huge mirror on the wall opposite the bed, reflecting the firelight into the room and giving everything a soft yellow glow. “My room is pretty much like this, actually.”
Jared smiled, kicking his boots off at the foot of the bed. “I really feel like Hephaistion now. King for a night.”
“Alexander was the king,” Colin pointed out.
“Well then,” Jared sat down on the end of the bed, giving a delighted sigh and running his fingers over the gold coverlet on it. “A queen, then.” He gave Colin a coy smile.
“I think after your outfit earlier we can go with that.”
The bed was soft and had layers upon layers of blankets and sheets, some silk, some flannel. It was like being wrapped up in a big, cozy nest, and they didn't need their clothes—not that they would have kept them on anyway. The touch of Jared's skin was even softer than the sheets, pressed against Colin's in the warmth beneath the covers.
“Two more days,” Jared said softly, gazing into Colin's eyes. The firelight was glowing in Jared's, making their blue depths amber. “You'll come to the airport with me, won't you?”
“Yes,” Colin said. He reached out and smoothed Jared's hair back from his face. “I'll hate it, but I will.”
Jared was going back to the U.S. for a while, until he decided on a project. He needed to go home as much as Colin had before he went to Ireland, and Colin didn't begrudge him it. It wasn't as if Colin wasn't about to be busy with something else very soon anyway. There would be visits, and phone calls, and for right now that would have to be enough.
“We won't grow apart, will we?” Jared asked softly. He found Colin's hand under the covers and laced his fingers with his. “Tell me we won't.”
“You know I can't promise that,” Colin squeezed his hand. “You know how life is. But we'll try. We'll try damn hard.”
Jared nodded, for he knew it as well as Colin did. Colin leaned in and captured his lips, just wanting to feel him for as long as he could. If all they had left was this night in this bed by the glow of the fire, in this ancient castle with its supposed ghosts, then he was going to wring every ounce from it and drink it down. He would keep the taste on his tongue and that would sustain him. At least for a while.
Jared drew back, smiling at him. “You're something remarkable, you know that?”
“I'm glad you thought so,” Colin smiled back at him.
So came an end, and a beginning. The circle had turned, and they were back in a huge bed, looking into each other's eyes and smiling, only this time they were different people, and they were each other's.
*****
The next few days Colin practically lived at the airport, seeing various people off. It was by far not the last time they would see each other—there were premieres and press conferences and promotions in the future, though they might be a year or more away. Still, it seemed every hug and sniffle made Colin a little more wistful, and every goodbye wave was a little harder to do. He had been through this before, many times, but this time it felt sharper for some reason. His pockets were full of bits of paper with phone numbers and addresses on them.
Francisco left the day after the party, and since Eamon was there he went with them to the airport. Jonathan had come along too, and it seemed he and Francisco were at least getting along.
“That's my cell phone, my home phone, and my email address,” Francisco was telling Colin, pointing them out on the little piece of paper he'd given him. “As soon as you get to South Africa, let me know how things are going.” He smiled fondly.
Colin gave him a long hug at the security gate, and then Eamon gave him one, which lasted even longer. Jonathan watched silently, his hands pushed into his pockets. He had barely spoken on the ride there.
“I'll see you soon,” Eamon stepped back from Francisco, smiling. “Maybe as soon as the holidays.”
It was early December now, and from what Eamon had said, Francisco was considering coming to Ireland for Christmas. Colin was hoping he could make it too, but he didn't know his shooting schedule yet.
Francisco nodded, his eyes a little bright. “Yes, I'll call you when I get home.” He turned to Jonathan then, drawing a deep breath.
They shared a hug longer than any of the others, and Jonathan was whispering something in Francisco's ear, Francisco nodding gently. Whatever it was, Jonathan wiped at his eyes when he pulled away. Francisco looked down, sniffing softly. Colin and Eamon exchanged a glance. Jonathan, after all, was from Ireland too, and Colin couldn't help but wonder if Francisco would be dividing up his visit. It was still an awkward situation, but at least Francisco seemed to be pulling himself together. He gave them a big smile as he went through the security gate, waving.
Inevitably came the hardest of all the departures for Colin.
Eamon drove Colin and Jared to the airport, Jared's suitcases in the trunk and his duffel bag sitting beside him on the backseat. Colin was sitting in the back with him and they were holding hands. Clutching hands, actually. So hard that Colin's fingers hurt.
Despite all their promises to keep in touch and see each other as much as they could, Colin couldn't help but wonder if this was really the last time they would see each other. Long distance relationships were the norm in this business, but failed in as great a quantity as they occurred. Soon Colin would be in another place with new friends and having new experiences, and the last three months would fade. He knew this, because that was how it always happened. Relationships were forgotten, feelings dulled. It was simply how things were.
They didn't speak much on the drive, but kept looking at each other. Colin's throat felt tight, his chest hurting. Their clasped hands were trembling.
Walking through the airport, Colin's legs felt like lead. He and Eamon helped Jared carry his bags to the check-in desk. Jared chuckled at his passport as he tucked it away. “This thing's got so many new stamps on it. I feel so worldly.”
They made their way to the security gate and stood off to the side. Jared checked his watch. “I should probably get to my gate soon.”
Jared looked up at Colin and Eamon, who were standing side by side, both with their hands in their pockets, gazing at him glumly. Colin took Jared in one last time. Jeans, faded gray t-shirt, his suede coat, his hair lying softly on his shoulders—he hadn't cut it yet. His beautiful blue eyes gleamed in the fluorescent lights.
“God, look at you guys,” Jared came forward, holding his arms out to both of them. “Who kicked your puppies?”
They both embraced him, snuggling him tight, Eamon burying his face against his shoulder and Colin pushing his nose into his hair, breathing him in one last time. Jared stroked their hair and chuckled softly. “Big babies.” When he drew back though, his eyes were bright and he sniffed.
Eamon was never one to suck it up and hide his emotions, and tears were streaking down his face. He wiped at them, sniffling. Colin blinked hard to keep his in check and Jared smiled softly at him. “I promise, this is not the last time you guys will see me. I'm like an infectious disease, I keep coming back.”
Eamon gave a harsh, wet laugh, and Jared hugged him again.
“You take care of yourself,” Eamon said softly, in a choked voice. He patted Jared's back and hair. “And you better keep in touch with me.”
“I will,” Jared drew back, smiling and stroking his hair. “Take care of Colin, all right? He's not as tough as he acts.”
“Oh I know that,” Eamon wiped at his eyes again with a shaky hand. “I know that.”
Jared turned to Colin and took both of his hands, clasping them. Colin drew a shaky breath, gazing at him.
“You have all my contact information,” Jared said.
Colin nodded, “Yes.” He bit his lower lip, trying to keep it from quivering. Jared had given him every possible way to get in touch with him—address, email, cell phone, land line, even Shannon's number and his mother's.
Jared moved in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. He whispered, “I love you.”
Colin gave him a gentle nuzzle and choked out, “I love you too.”
Jared pulling his hands slowly away from Colin's was like someone had inserted a hook in his guts and was slowly dragging them out. Jared gathered up his duffel bag and started to turn, then he stopped and looked back at Colin.
“Oh. I forgot to tell you. I took a project.”
Colin wiped quickly at his eyes and sniffed. “Oh? Did you?” He was trembling.
“Yes,” Jared smiled. “It's this project tentatively titled Lord of War. Sounds interesting, doesn't it?”
Colin nodded. “You'll have to tell me how it goes.”
“I will,” Jared adjusted the bag on his shoulder and smiled again. “It's filming in South Africa. So I figure I can just pop over and let you know.”
Colin thought he'd heard him wrong at first, but after staring at him for a stunned moment, Jared smiled wider and nodded. Colin laughed.
“I guess we will be seeing each other again then,” Eamon slid his arm around Colin's shoulders, grinning as well. “When I come down to visit Colin.”
Colin went over and pulled Jared into his arms. They clung to each other desperately, arms locked tight around each other. Jared whispered against his ear, “I'll see you soon.”
Colin didn't want to let him go, but this time it was easier, after hearing such news. As Colin watched him walk toward the security gate, he remembered something.
“Oh! Jared!” He quickly pushed his hand into his coat pocket.
Jared turned and looked back. Colin drew out a key and tossed it to him. Jared caught it, looked down at it, then looked back up at Colin, smiling.
“Anytime you want,” Colin said softly. Jared tucked it into his pocket, gazing at Colin.
“Come on,” Eamon said softly, his arm around Colin's shoulders again. “It's better if you don't watch him leave.”
“He's not going anywhere,” Colin said softly, walking slowly backwards as Eamon tugged him along. He put his hand over his heart, still gazing at Jared standing in line, gazing back at him. “He's right here.”
Jared put his hand over his heart as well, smiling.
THE END
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